Jacob Zuma Cartoons: Had To Happen Sometime!

Instead of following up on Julius Malema, I have decided to focus on the newest political clown, Jacob Zuma. The now well-known artist Brett Murray painted the president posing with.... The South African Crown Jewels in full view. This was obviously a satire of the president's inability to pass by a pretty woman without throwing some cows at her dad and whisking her off. "The Spear" instantly became famous after a lawsuit from the ANC, protests, a German buyer, and being vandalised on 22 May. Of course all fingers were pointed at the Apartheid so blah blah nothing new. The best part about this is the jokes, which will follow:

WARNING! NOT FOR ZUMA FANS!

The painting after being vandalised. I guess "The Spear" is "The Paint Splatter" now.

The brilliant Zapiro with his take on the subject.

Comparing Zuma's presidency to that of Nelson Mandela.

It has been rated I see.

Doesn't the president just have the best influence on kids?

I think Zuma should be thanking Brett Murray, it doesn't even look like Jakes!


So all these jokes, but the biggest joke of all is: Has anyone asked the first wives how accurate the painting really is?

 AG SHAME!

Why Women Torture Themselves With High Heels

There's no denying that a woman in 4 inch heels turns heads. There's also no denying that the woman in question is faking her smile while she cries inwardly at the pain her poor toes are going through. The reasons we do this to ourselves differ according to every woman. I like high heels because they give me confidence and make me feel all grown up and smart. Some women use them to impress their friends and colleagues, while some of the single ladies (no-one say Beyonce) obviously use them to find a man.

But these gorgeous shoes are bad for your wallet and your muscles. Still, there we go, torturing our feet so we can feel better emotionally. How sad is that? The general consensus is that heels make you look skinnier, improve your posture and give your confidence a major boost, which makes you more attractive. And there isn't just one type of torture, oh no, there are tons of types to make your toes bleed like:

Wedges, which give a safe but still demurely sexy appearance.

The lower length heel, which shows that you want to be more daring but aren't sure how to get there or pull it off.

Platform high heels (a personal favourite) which show you are an insane, creative person and that you have a very high pain threshold.

Gladiator heels for the girls in touch with their ancient civilisation sides.

The ankle boot, for the sexy but cold during winter.

The high heeled boots, for the inner dominatrix.

  And, finally, shoes that are only appropriate to be seen in the Rocky Horror Picture Show.


Well......... At least they make us look skinny, right?

The Darwin Awards: The Epic Fails Of The Year!

The Darwin Awards are a yearly "Honor" given to those who remove themselves from the human gene pool in a spectacular or moronic manor. They've been going strong since 1985, and i thought Id share this years list with you. Enjoy

THEY'RE HERE!   2011 DARWIN AWARDS You've been waiting for them with bated breath, so without further ado,
here are the 2011 Darwin Awards.

Eighth Place
In Detroit, a 41-year-old man got stuck and drowned in two feet of water after squeezing head first through an 18-inch-wide sewer grate to retrieve his car keys. Seventh Place
A 49-year-old San Francisco stockbroker, who "totally zoned when he ran", accidentally jogged off a 100-foot high cliff on his daily run. Sixth Place
While at the beach, Daniel Jones, 21, dug an 8 foot hole for protection from the wind and had been sitting in a beach chair at the bottom, when it collapsed, burying him beneath 5 feet of sand. People on the beach used their hands and shovels trying to get him out but could not reach him. It took rescue workers using heavy equipment almost an hour to free him. Jones was pronounced dead at a hospital. Fifth Place
Santiago Alvarado, 24, was killed as he fell through the ceiling of a bicycle shop he was burglarising. Death was caused when the long flashlight he had placed in his mouth to keep his hands free rammed into the base of his skull as he hit the floor.Fourth Place
Sylvester Briddell, Jr., 26, was killed as he won a bet with friends who said he would not put a revolver loaded with four bullets into his mouth and pull the trigger.

 

Third Place
After stepping around a marked police patrol car parked at the front door, a man walked into H&J Leather & Firearms intent on robbing the store. The shop was full of customers and a uniformed officer was standing at the counter. Upon seeing the officer, the would-be robber announced a hold-up and fired a few wild shots from a target pistol.
The officer and a clerk promptly returned fire, and several customers also drew their guns and fired. The robber was pronounced dead at the scene by Paramedics. Crime scene investigators located 47 expended cartridge cases in the shop. The subsequent autopsy revealed 23 gunshot wounds. Ballistics identified rounds from 7 different weapons. No one else was hurt. HONOURABLE MENTION
Paul Stiller, 47, and his wife Bonnie were bored just driving around at 2 A.M. so they lit a quarter stick of dynamite to toss out the window to see what would happen. Apparently they failed to notice that the window was closed. RUNNER UP
Kerry Bingham had been drinking with several friends when one of them said they knew a person who had bungee-jumped from a local bridge in the middle of traffic. The conversation grew more excited, and at least 10 men trooped along the walkway of the bridge at 4:30 AM. Upon arrival at the midpoint of the bridge, they discovered that no one had brought a bungee rope. Bingham, who had continued drinking, volunteered and pointed out that a coil of lineman's cable lay nearby. They secured one end around Bingham's leg and then tied the other to the bridge. His fall lasted 40 feet before the cable tightened and tore his foot off at the ankle. He miraculously survived his fall into the icy water and was rescued by two nearby fishermen. Bingham's foot was never located. AND THE WINNER IS....
Zookeeper Friedrich Riesfeldt ( Paderborn , Germany ) fed his constipated elephant 22 doses of animal laxative and more than a bushel of berries, figs and prunes before the plugged-up giant finally got relief. Investigators say ill-fated Friedrich, 46, was attempting to give the ailing elephant an olive oil enema when the relieved beast unloaded.The sheer force of the elephant's unexpected shit knocked Mr Riesfeldt to the ground where he struck his head on a rock as the elephant continued to drop 200 pounds of shit on top of him. It seems to be just one of those freak accidents that proves...                      'Sh i t happens'

IT ALWAYS SEEMS IMPORTANT TO THANK THESE PEOPLE
FOR REMOVING THEMSELVES FROM THE GENE POOL

Hoping you have a Darwin free weekend!